I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
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You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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