At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
