fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
