He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
