I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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