We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
