Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
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ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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