When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
