Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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