I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
