his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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