So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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