Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
