And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
