you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
