its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
