Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
