i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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