I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
