You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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