and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
