just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
