I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sext me about skeletons
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
