tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
