I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
