When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
