FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
