she was so not down for the gang bang
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
