Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
