wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
