I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
