I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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