Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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