Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
