just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
