"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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