she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
