How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
