She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
