Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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