New invention idea: vibrating tampons
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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