every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
