i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize