How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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