I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
