Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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