i can't believe i had my finger in that
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
