Whod you bang
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm like, not good at living.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
