I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
