I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
