new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
