Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
should my penis look like a turkey
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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