He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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