found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
