he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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