I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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