I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
