I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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