Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
