What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need to sanitize my soul.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
