Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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