If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
