Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize