This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
