Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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