afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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