My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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