please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
