Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My bed smells like the plague
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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