So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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