Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
