She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
