just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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