Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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