So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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