I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
