You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
