He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
