girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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