so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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