Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
