I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
