We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I came so hard my ears popped.
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